How My Inner Censor Cramps My Style

Within the past few days I've written 2 posts that I haven't published.  My inner censor says there's too much of me hanging out , as if I were a shirttail escaping from my pants.  The inner witch says to stay "professional."  This is a professional blog, not a personal diary.  Stick to my blog theme.

All these inner "rules" keep other voices inside of me quiet and seemingly well-behaved.  I imagine that all the bloggers I admire - which numbers pretty high - never have this problem.  They can speak their truth with courage, grace, and of course boldness.  [See Tony's transparent post on some strident criticism he rec'd from a blog visitor]

Yet the greatest gift I (and you) can offer is our own original, unique voice.  The protective fearful part of me likes to mute the microphone.  I can choose to unmute the mic, and as I do, this is what I could share.  In my writing rambles last week, I admitted a few things to myself: 

1) I spend the largest portion of my workday in a business that I'm not passionate about.  At least not yet.  Real estate investing takes me on a roller coaster.  Highs, lows, unexpected turns.  I routinely wonder if i can make it financially.  I can look back and see the tremendous progress I've made and the experience I've gained.  A small profit is better than no profit, and can lead to larger profits.

Yet what I enjoy the most about real estate investing involves the networking.  Creating a new investor group for women a year ago that has been wildly successful; being invited to serve on the board of directors of our local association of real estate investors; seeing needs and finding creative ways to fill them; bringing a deal together on behalf of a seller; problem-solving with my business partner.

2) I ask myself if I'm selling myself out as a writer by spending time in a business I don't feel as passionate about as previous careers.  I like it most days, and I enjoy the people i do business with.  Does that count enough?  I don't hold aspirations to make my living as a writer.  I just want to write, dammit.  Just write.  Not have it count for anything.  Yet that isn't entirely true.  I write because I want to know myself better, to coax out those parts lurking in my internal nooks and crannies. I want to touch  others - inspire them, bring clarity, expansion, connection.  If that leads to something else down the road, fine.  But it doesn't need to or have to. 

3) I closed down my coaching practice of 10 years almost 2 years ago.  It is only recently that I notice that the format I used in the past (1 on 1 coaching) may have changed, but I've created new structures that still give me reign to influence and touch people - yes - even in real estate investing.  Isn't that the crux of it all - it's the WHO that tells, not the WHAT. 

Last night I participated in the first session of a 4-week teleclass on "Speaking From the Inside Out" with Barbara DeAngelis.  She stresses that this is NOT a workshop on public speaking.  It's about bringing out the most authentic, powerful expression of myself.  That voice can be communicated through my energetic vibration, voice, writing, and yes, through public speaking.  Another act of perfect timing on the part of the Universe.  I'll keep you posted on this down the road.

In the meantime, what part of yourself would like more time on the "mic?"

Comments

[Deb Estep]

Hey Deb,

It was on April 6, 2007 that I had a coming out
on my blog. :)
WOW... I can hardly believe it was that long ago.

This is from that post.......

When I started this blog back in February of 2005, I had to come up with a name. I choose Deb_Inside because I felt as IF I was sharing my insides to the world.

I have been sharing only a part of my Insides. There has been a part of me that I have kept in the shadows.
.............................

It has been amazing to share a more authentic
side of myself in this past year.

The most important thing is recognizing that you
are being held back in the first place.

I hope you will be sharing with us what the
teleclass with Barbara DeAngelis brings you. :)

xo xo
Deb-n-Ohio

~ Welcome to my ~Deb~utante ~
http://deb_inside.typepad.com/deb_inside/2007/04/welcome_to_my_d.html

[Deb Call]

Hi Deb "Inside" - It sounds like you are living up to your blog name - sharing more deeply this year. More later on what I am learning from my teleclass series with Barbara DeAngelis.

[Tom Volkar / Delightful Work]

Hi Deb,

What part of me may need to be expressed more often? I think it's my wilder side. My Wild Tommy needs to come out and say what he thinks without caring too much about how others may react. It's not that I'm censoring myself all that much but I do feel as though my rip-roaring voice is under-expressed. Thanks for the nudge to my wilder side.

Tom

[Deb Call]

Tom, I love how you have named your less expressive self - "Wild Tommy." I bet your Wild Tommy would have a ball letting 'er rip! Can't wait to see this side of you. Keep us posted!