Spirit In Gear

Out of Balance? Remember to Connect Within

Like the doctor who smokes and doesn't follow his own advice, I find myself in a similar waters.  I wonder why I feel out of balance, experiencing resistance instead of well-being.  I've gotten into the habit of relying solely on my head and logic to run my life.  Soldiering on, I forget to connect within, pausing to hear the wisdom from my Higher Self.

This morning I take the time to listen.  I can take in the messages, the reminders of what I know and forget.  I find myself feeling better, lighter.  I print out the message and vow to read it at the start of my days to come.

Connecting within is as easy as slowly inhaling and exhaling.  I find the slow breathing loosens my connection to my head.  As I continue breathing, feelings rise up as my heart comes forward.

I do my connecting via writing.  I select a quiet private place.  I play evocative music in the background.  I may light a candle and say a brief prayer.  I like to write using my laptop because I can type faster than write.  I typically will pose a question, and as a response begins to emerge, I type, with my eyes closed.  I keep my eyes closed simply to keep the flow going.  I usually type fast, and make typos.  If I had my eyes open I would want to fix the typos immediately, instead of waiting til I'm done writing.

This response to my sense of restlessness and loss over the death of my parents came through earlier this summer.  The wisdom remains as relevant today as several months ago:

We tell you to be still, to breathe deeply.  You long to know with your head.  But first you must know with your heart.  It's a similar struggle that your brother is going through.  Be still.  Practice listening for your heart voice.  Bring yourself back to this moment, over and over again.  Be okay with feeling what you feel in this moment.  Be okay with what is.  You use up a lot of energy resisting what is.  And trying to use logic and force to create impact in your life, rather than allowing, and understanding that life unfolds - much easier than using resistance to fight or to force.  Again we say to you to practice staying in the moment, for a moment.  You do realize that it was your heart that guided you to Hendersonville that day, to that bookstore, to that very book that you need in order to be in the moment.  Please do not sweat this.  You keep forgetting that you are loved and cherished.  You feel that lacking, because your mother and father, the first source of your earthly love, have passed on from  this physical plane.  If only you knew how your loved ones hover and love you from above, you would bask in that warmth and feel the soothing coming your way.

We say this lovingly to you - do not stop feeling what is coming tthrough - do not stop the feeling, even when it's sad or painful.  The more deeply you can feel what is painful, the more deeply you can feel the joy and the love.

As I mentioned above, I type with my eyes closed.  I have no idea how that last paragraph got underlined.  Apparently I hit something on my laptop. But it's obvious that my Higher Self felt that those particular words needed extra emphasis!

Embracing My Gray

I first confessed to an envy of silver hair in The Gifts of Age, back in the spring of 2009. 

Since that time you could say I've embraced my "inner gray," the confidence to be myself, to be my age.  Now if I could just embrace my outer gray. 

My goal is to sport a head of au natural hair by the time I turn 60 in August of 2011.  However I had no idea it would be such a pain to grow out my permanent hair color.  My hairdresser and I began our color strategy March 1st.  At that time she used semi-permanent hair color to touch up my gray roots, instead of permanent hair color.  She said the semi-permanent dye would fade in 4-6 weeks.

My healthy hair has a mind of it's own, apparently.  The semi-permanent hair color hasn't faded one bit and remains stubbornly perky and colorful.  Plan B began two months later, when my hairdresser switched brands of semi-permanent color.  Darn!  It still hasn't faded.

Earlier this month we went to plan C.  She is using a very light semi-permanent color to blend in with the gray roots.  It's called "low-lighting."  Only problem I can see with this strategy is the demarcation that becomes more noticeable as my hair grows out.

A couple of days ago I googled this topic and found innumerable articles on growing out the gray.  It sounds like we are on the right track.  But with my chin-length hair, this will take a long time.

Yesterday I took a measuring tape to my hair.  Measuring from the bottom, I have 5 inches of permanent hair color.  Moving up, there are 3 inches of semi-permanent color, and then the new low-lighting which accounts for about an inch or so.

Unfortunately I have learned from my hairdresser that we can't just dye the 5 inches of permanent color gray while we wait for the roots to grow out, since the part of my hair is already colored.  So it will take until early next year, I estimate, to be done with the last vestiges of the permanent color.  This should prove interesting.

Of course I could speed up this process by cutting my hair very short.  NOT!  Maybe wear it an inch shorter, but that's it.  I guess I'll just have to tough it out.

If you are still reading this post, more power to you.  In the perpetually young culture we live in, I find myself in a tiny minority of women who want to go gray.  I can afford the money for hair color.  I can make the time for it.  Just don't want to anymore.  There's something freeing about not having to pretend to be five or ten years younger.  Freeing in the sense that I don't have to use my energy to think about it anymore.  That's a big deal for me.

Wish I had the ability to see into the future - to see what my gray locks will look like.  Will I need to use  a temporary rinse when my daughters get married in the future?  Or not?  Only time will tell.  You can bet there will be a future post on life in the "gray" lane when I get to that point! 

Any gray-haired readers in the blogosphere who'd like to share their perspective?  Or wannabees?

[Photo Credit:  Getty images, shown on www.momlogic.com]

What Birthdays Remind Me Of

Lately I have been taken down by my inner critic.  I harbor feelings of self-loathing.  I wonder at times why I do what I do, and say what I say.  The inner turmoil saps my energy.

In this space of feeling frustrated with myself, my birthday arrives yesterday.  From the moment I get up in the morning, til I fall asleep at night, I am graced and lifted up by others.  Some have known me for years, like old friends, and others for a few months.  Some I have never met in person.

The birthday greetings come in person, by snail mail, email, voicemail, by "live" phone, by text, and most popular, by Facebook.  Each sentiment gently flows over me, taking with it bits and pieces of my self-loathing.  The greetings remind me to appreciate myself amidst my flaws and imperfections. 

Being acknowledged for who I am, on the day celebrating my entry into this life, far surpasses any material gift I can receive.  My heartfelt thanks to all of you who took the time to remind me, on my birthday, that I matter.  And that self-appreciation is in order for all of us who believe we are part of God's creation.

In this "crazy" world of ours, amidst the "Left" talk and the "Right" talk, the Tea Baggers and the Tree Huggers, we are bigger than ideology.  Birthdays help us connect at the heart level.  Which is why my right winger brother sends his liberal sister a card on her birthday and calls her up.

Most of all, birthdays remind me to open my arms and receive.  Last Sunday at church the homilist shared a scriptural quote that leaves me in awe:

Do not be afraid any longer, little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the kingdom.

- Luke 12:32

May I remember to open my arms and say "yes!" 

[Photo Credit:  Ariel da Silva Parreira]