Spirit In Gear

Magic with the Moody Blues

I don't know about you, but I could sure use some enchantment in my life now and then.  And that's just what I experienced last night live with the Moody Blues.

Imagine sitting in a 2100 seat sold-out concert hall with 2099 other middle-agers with smiles on their faces.  As I look around, people look happy and enthralled.  Gone (thankfully) are the days of old, in my 20's, when concerts were a smoke and marijuana haze, and concert goers were tripping away in their own little worlds.

The Moody Blues, currently a group of 7, with 3 of the original band members, make aging look good.  The two original lead singers are in their mid-sixties, and the drummer is 70 and can still rock it.  But the most remarkable sign of graceful aging is the strong and clear sounds of their voices - they can still hit the high notes with ease, unlike other aging rockers.

The music exceeded my high expectations.  The light show and visual displays cast a spell over the audience.  As I review the night in my mind, I feel a sense of magic and joy.  The Moody Blues wooed us, enchanted us, and most of all, loved us.  And the audience loved 'em right back with numerous standing ovations, cheers and whistles.

The Moody Blues emerged in the 60's and have experienced raging success with their albums (top grossers, having sold 70 millions albums worldwide).  Setting aside their commercial success for one moment, I am more grateful for the notion that the Moody Blues put forward for me in their performance last evening . . . that age is merely a number.  Yes, our bodies march forward in a slow decline, but the spirit remains ageless.  While we still have breath, let's enchant one another!

 

 

What I Learned from Turning 60

The day after I turned 60 last month, we head to the Smokies to meet up with our best friends of 35 years.  The picture you see is taken from the deck of a stunning mountain property we stayed in for the weekend.

Surrounded by mountain vistas, close friends, music, and an ample supply of wine and dark chocolate, I open up birthday gifts.  One of the gifts is not wrapped.  In fact, it has no material shape.  It comes as a favor of sorts.  The gift is bestowed upon me by my friend, John. 

John gives me carte blanche to select all the restaurants we eat at that weekend.  Now I am prepared to select one restaurant for my birthday dinner, but never expected to be making decisions on the other meals.  I admit to being nonplussed with this gesture on John's part.  Food is very important to John, and his food preferences are very strong (and often opposed to mine). 

As John continued to insist that I select ALL the restaurants, I tell him that I should be recording this for posterity.  John  lets me know that this offer expires after the weekend, so I better enjoy it while I can.

While all this is going on, I am experiencing some silent inner discombobulation.  My personality is geared towards looking out for the needs of the group.  It takes me a few minutes to actually get in gear with the program of picking out whatever I WANT!  Even if it means that someone else won't like my choice.

And so it goes.  I take some time to ask myself what I want.  And I get exactly what I want for each of the meals we eat out at . . . Italian one night; seafood another; and pancakes for lunch!

This experience reminds me to be clear about what I want, at least to myself.  It's not so much about getting my way.  It is about being present enough to ask myself the question instead of responding in a rote mode.

Interestingly this begins to have a ripple effect in my life during the following week.  In my interactions with both my husband, and with business colleagues, I find myself stopping to become aware of what I want and how I want to respond.  As a result, I saved myself from unnecessary hassle.  The difference being that I can choose when I want to go the extra mile, not that I HAVE to do it automatically.  That is very freeing, if I do say so myself.

If you are not yet 60, my advice to you is to learn from my insight, and apply it to your life, much sooner than I did!

Gabby Giffords - Modern Day Shaman

During the bleak, acrimonious war playing out in Congress all summer, a temporary truce is called early this week.  It emerges from the unexpected presence of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords on August 1st to cast her vote to raise the debt ceiling. 

Those present, along with the world, feel moved and mesmerized by the vision of Gabby walking and talking after sustaining a severe brain trauma this past January.  In the flesh Gabby symbolizes hope and possibility.  Her appearance marks the triumph of good over evil.  As a casualty of violence, she touches those people in the political hall of Congress at a heart level, reminding them to reconnect to their humanity, to rise above the smallness and meanness, to transcend differences.

It is easy to get carried away with the symbolism.  Perhaps all Gabby wanted to do was to serve her constituents by casting a pivotal vote.  Yet I see much more.  I see this courageous congresswoman as a modern day shaman, one who by her very presence casts healing light around her. We desperately need these symbols of hope in a world where institutionalized corruption has led to the near collapse of the world economy.

In my mind I leap ahead.  What if Congress were filled with 50 more people like Gabby?  Would people work together in a spirit of cooperation?  What important work could be accomplished?

As I zoom the lens of my perspective outward, I see it is not about political parties.  It's more about how power continues to be defined in our world:  ego-based aggression in all forms; violent force; domination.  Winner takes all.  We still need warriors, but they must be enlightened warriors.

Civilization wasn't always like this.  Five thousand + years ago, societies thrived under a matriarchal system (and no, fellows, women did not dominate men).  The arts flourished; violence did not.  Both masculine and feminine energies got equal footing.  Check out the book The Chalice and the Blade,by Riane Eisler, for a provocative read.

Back to 2011, signs abound that a world dominated by masculine energy, without the balancing feminine energy of nurturance, creativity, connection to higher guidance, and to the sacred, will eventually self-destruct.  Fortunately there is a movement underfoot.  I may not live to see the ultimate change that rebalances the earth and the world.  But I can be a part of the movement that inches it closer.  If you are even reading this, you are likely part of this enlightened groundswell, driven by an inner knowing and by your own wisdom. 

I have been silent on this blog for 7+ months.  It almost feels like I have been in a hunkered down mode, in reaction to the financial instability in the U.S. and abroad.  I am breaking my silence, putting out a call to my comrades in spirit.  I need your light to keep on keeping on. 

I had the most uplifting experience a couple of weekends ago. We travelled from South Carolina, where we currently live, to Ohio to a small wedding reception filled with old friends and colleagues from my former profession (life coaching).  As soon as I walked into the room where the reception was held, I felt incredibly positive energy.  It was like being at a love fest.  What an experience to be in with a group of people holding enlightened energy!

It goes back to each one of us.  We start with ourselves.  Learning to love ourselves, both the good and bad.  Empowering ourselves by balancing the masculine and feminine energies in our own lives, and learning how to use power.  In the book edited by Michele Jamal, Shape Shifters, contributor Sandy Ingerman discusses the fear women have of getting in touch with their masculine energy, for fear of misuse.  She defines positive male energy as "right action:"

Right action is about taking the information from our intuition, from deep inside ourselves, and then acting on it in the physical world.   Right action is about allowing action instead of forcing action.

I write this to remind myself that one person, empowered with "right action," can be a force for good in ways I (we) can't imagine.  Game on!  Will you join me?

[Photo Credit:  Huffington Post]

 

 

 

When Old Dreams Land in Real Time

An old dream of mine materialized several weeks ago.  Much to my surprise, I felt disoriented when my dream came true.  The dream didn't fit me in real time quite as I imagined.

Allow me to back up. The dream takes birth a dozen years ago.  It is a materialistic dream.  Some of you may have a penchant for a BMW Z4 Roadster, a cruise around the world, a vacation home at the beach.  I confess that I wanted a larger diamond.  Not an extravagant diamond - I wanted an upgrade from 1/2 carat to 1 carat. 

Back when the dream began, we still faced financing 8 years of college for our two daughters.  A larger diamond seemed like a frivolous expense we could not afford.  But I knew exactly what I wanted when the time came.  I had spent time looking at diamonds and knew the 4 "c's" backwards and forwards.

Fast forward to present time.  Money is saved.  My husband and I trek out to the jewelers to look, learn, and examine numerous diamonds under magnification.  I make several trips, do additional research, and compare prices.  I finally find my dream diamond at the price I want to pay.  I am thrilled with the selection! 

I wait a couple of days while the new diamond is set in my wedding ring.  With great anticipation I pick up the ring when it is ready, placing it on my finger.  I look down at the diamond and feel an immediate sense of dissonance.  I feel confused and unsettled.  What comes up for me is that I don't deserve this.

It takes me several days to work through what is really going on with me.  I feel unworthy of the larger, brilliant diamond.  In my head I had easily justified the cost.  Inside me, I feel like an imposter.

I finally realize that I may have upgraded my diamond, but I did not upgrade my sense of worthiness to make room for this dream come true.  Likewise, in my real estate investing work, we find we need to often upgrade the electrical in the houses we rehab, in order to place a central heating/air unit. 

This story is not about diamonds.  It's about energy alignment.  We have to remember to make room energetically for the dreams we desire to materialize.  I made room financially for the diamond, but not internally.

It takes me several days of processing to "update" my worthiness.  A loving spouse helps.  It also helps me to read snippets of guided writing I received in late August:

[You] have money to indulge yourself with.  Yet you struggle with spending money on the 1-carat diamond you have always dreamed about.  The diamond itself isn't important, it's what it represents, which is your openness to give to yourself.  It's a wonderful practice to take your generous heart and turn it back upon yourself.  If you can be even just a little bit supportive and generous with yourself as you are with everyone else, imagine how much peaceful and happier you can be.  And that is the real gift you can offer to others, being happy.

Fortunately for me, the "worthiness" upgrade kicks in.  What a difference I feel internally.  Now when I look at my new diamond, I feel a sense of awe and gratitude.  Without a doubt, I can say that diamonds are (one) of a girl's best friends!

What happened for you when one of your dreams came to fruition?  Was it what you expected?  We'd love to hear about it!

[Photo Credit:  Blue Nile] 

Best Things in Life

The best things in life are nearest:
Breath in your nostrils, light in your
eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at
your hand, the path of right just before
you.  Then do not grasp at the stars,
but do life's plain, common work as it
comes, certain that daily duties and
daily bread are the sweetest things in
life.

- Robert Louis Stevenson

I hesitate to expound on the quote above.  It stands on its own.  No explication needed.

I can tell you that this quote touches me more deeply than I would imagine. 

I recall moments of ironing my father's shirts during my adolescence, and the quiet sense of accomplishment with each finished shirt hanging startched in a row with the others.  Sometimes it's the ordinary things, captured in a moment of awareness, that brings a sense that everything really IS okay.

This morning as I drive home from church I take a moment to look up at the blue sky laced with white wisps of clouds and smile.  The white puffs look like they are dancing in the sky, reminding me to chill and relax on this day of Sabbath.  Reminding me of the freedom and joy that are always available to me.

Yesterday, on 9/11, I call my brother up on the phone to wish him a "Happy Birthday!"  How wonderful to remember that something positive happened on 9/11 besides tragedy.

Hearing my younger daughter's voice on the phone, as she talks about her new job of 1 month, and realizing that she can thrive in spite of challenges.  Soon to turn 25, she is in charge of her life and doing just fine without Mom being involved day to day.  I bask from afar on the woman she has become.

Happiness has been on my mind of late.  I learn that there is a distinction between choosing to be happy and deciding to be happy. 

I am deciding to be happy - a decision I intend to renew each day.  Here's a meditation that I am using to help me, taken from the book, Wokini, A Lakota Journey to Happiness and Self-Understanding, by Billy Mills, with Nicholas Sparks:

Do this meditation three times a day.

1.  Find a comfortable place to relax.

2.  Close your eyes, and count from one to ten, exhaling with each number.

3.  Relax further as the count progresses.

4.  Once you reach ten, feel the relaxation spread through  your body.

5.  Think of anything that makes you happy.  Make it as real as possible.

6.  Say aloud ten times, "I am happy."

7.  Count from ten back to one and open your eyes.

8.  Smile

The best things in life can be found in the moments.  If we are paying attention.

What "best things" have you noticed lately?

[Photo Credit:  Morten Hoeye]

Embracing My Gray

I first confessed to an envy of silver hair in The Gifts of Age, back in the spring of 2009. 

Since that time you could say I've embraced my "inner gray," the confidence to be myself, to be my age.  Now if I could just embrace my outer gray. 

My goal is to sport a head of au natural hair by the time I turn 60 in August of 2011.  However I had no idea it would be such a pain to grow out my permanent hair color.  My hairdresser and I began our color strategy March 1st.  At that time she used semi-permanent hair color to touch up my gray roots, instead of permanent hair color.  She said the semi-permanent dye would fade in 4-6 weeks.

My healthy hair has a mind of it's own, apparently.  The semi-permanent hair color hasn't faded one bit and remains stubbornly perky and colorful.  Plan B began two months later, when my hairdresser switched brands of semi-permanent color.  Darn!  It still hasn't faded.

Earlier this month we went to plan C.  She is using a very light semi-permanent color to blend in with the gray roots.  It's called "low-lighting."  Only problem I can see with this strategy is the demarcation that becomes more noticeable as my hair grows out.

A couple of days ago I googled this topic and found innumerable articles on growing out the gray.  It sounds like we are on the right track.  But with my chin-length hair, this will take a long time.

Yesterday I took a measuring tape to my hair.  Measuring from the bottom, I have 5 inches of permanent hair color.  Moving up, there are 3 inches of semi-permanent color, and then the new low-lighting which accounts for about an inch or so.

Unfortunately I have learned from my hairdresser that we can't just dye the 5 inches of permanent color gray while we wait for the roots to grow out, since the part of my hair is already colored.  So it will take until early next year, I estimate, to be done with the last vestiges of the permanent color.  This should prove interesting.

Of course I could speed up this process by cutting my hair very short.  NOT!  Maybe wear it an inch shorter, but that's it.  I guess I'll just have to tough it out.

If you are still reading this post, more power to you.  In the perpetually young culture we live in, I find myself in a tiny minority of women who want to go gray.  I can afford the money for hair color.  I can make the time for it.  Just don't want to anymore.  There's something freeing about not having to pretend to be five or ten years younger.  Freeing in the sense that I don't have to use my energy to think about it anymore.  That's a big deal for me.

Wish I had the ability to see into the future - to see what my gray locks will look like.  Will I need to use  a temporary rinse when my daughters get married in the future?  Or not?  Only time will tell.  You can bet there will be a future post on life in the "gray" lane when I get to that point! 

Any gray-haired readers in the blogosphere who'd like to share their perspective?  Or wannabees?

[Photo Credit:  Getty images, shown on www.momlogic.com]

What Birthdays Remind Me Of

Lately I have been taken down by my inner critic.  I harbor feelings of self-loathing.  I wonder at times why I do what I do, and say what I say.  The inner turmoil saps my energy.

In this space of feeling frustrated with myself, my birthday arrives yesterday.  From the moment I get up in the morning, til I fall asleep at night, I am graced and lifted up by others.  Some have known me for years, like old friends, and others for a few months.  Some I have never met in person.

The birthday greetings come in person, by snail mail, email, voicemail, by "live" phone, by text, and most popular, by Facebook.  Each sentiment gently flows over me, taking with it bits and pieces of my self-loathing.  The greetings remind me to appreciate myself amidst my flaws and imperfections. 

Being acknowledged for who I am, on the day celebrating my entry into this life, far surpasses any material gift I can receive.  My heartfelt thanks to all of you who took the time to remind me, on my birthday, that I matter.  And that self-appreciation is in order for all of us who believe we are part of God's creation.

In this "crazy" world of ours, amidst the "Left" talk and the "Right" talk, the Tea Baggers and the Tree Huggers, we are bigger than ideology.  Birthdays help us connect at the heart level.  Which is why my right winger brother sends his liberal sister a card on her birthday and calls her up.

Most of all, birthdays remind me to open my arms and receive.  Last Sunday at church the homilist shared a scriptural quote that leaves me in awe:

Do not be afraid any longer, little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the kingdom.

- Luke 12:32

May I remember to open my arms and say "yes!" 

[Photo Credit:  Ariel da Silva Parreira]

Iced In

This is my 6th winter in South Carolina, and my 3rd ice storm.  As I look at the wintry landscape outside, I scratch my head (in the figurative sense) and try to reconcile the weather with the state I live in.  I'm no longer in Ohio, but it feels the same on this particular day.

Plans have been cancelled.  A national speaker we were bringing in to present a seminar over the weekend has been rescheduled.  Our trip downtown for dinner with friends has been postponed.

Yet I sense the hidden gifts that come with the icy roads.  I hear quiet!  No cars move down the street.  Everyone is hunkered down in their homes.  I sense life slowing down to a pace I don't often operate in: in the moment.  We are blessed to have our heat and power on.

I find myself in a puttering mood.  I sit on the floor in my bedroom and pull out journals from my nightstand to read about my life over the past 2 years, while a load of wash runs in the other room.  I look in the pantry and find something to bake.  I call neighbors and invite them over for an evening of wine and conversation around the fireplace.

The icy weather outside helps me chill out emotionally and mentally.  I think to myself that it would be a good thing for me to show up more often like this on non-icy days too.  Perhaps we humans could benefit from brief periods of "hibernation."  Thanks to Mother Nature, I find my natural rhythm again.

Playing with Imperfection

Eighteen days into the new year, I've finally stopped messing up my checks with the wrong date of 2009.  With just a little bit of practice, 2010 easily rolls off the pen now.

I slip into this new year without any desire to make a resolution of any sort.  Instead of focusing on "fixing" myself, I feel a quiet appreciation for me (for both my good points and weaknesses), and my life (with its delights and its challenges).

Bless Patti Digh for reminding us that You are not broken.  You don't need to be fixed.  What if, as Patti asks, we focus on potential rather than flaws.  She concludes her post with realization that 2009 was a fantastic year because she loved and was loved.  Notice what she didn't say!

In the past 18 days since the new year began, I've been playing with imperfection as I try new things:

- I am learning Quick Books.  I bought the software a year ago and finally installed it.  Now that I have a new year of business expenses unfolding, I am open and eager to learn a better way of keeping my business books.

- I received an Ipod as a Christmas gift.  I'm learning how to make playlists so that I can listen to what I want, no matter where I'm at.

- Yesterday I bought a "flip video" to use in our real estate investing business.  I'm sure we will have a few laughs at our first attempts with using the video, but how cool this will be to have the ability to upload videos to our multiple websites! 

- I'm stepping out of my comfort zone of what I am supposed to look like by updating my business wardrobe with some fun, and sophisticated pieces. 

What I mention above focuses on external things.  What I have a harder time articulating is the softer way I'm starting to hold myself inside.  The way I'm easing up on myself internally.  The times I can consciously slow down the mind chatter to lighten up.  The ways I ratchet down the self-induced pressure to do, do, do. 

Playing with imperfection becomes easier when I relax on the inside. 

What are you playing with in this new year?

[Photo Credit:  Ilker]

Flame On - Lessons from Autumn

A few days ago I pull into my driveway and glance down the street.  I let out a silent awe at nature's colorful glory and grab my camera.  No matter that I've seen several dozen autumn seasons, there's no room for complacency here.

I learn an inspirational lesson from Mother Nature that hasn't previously occurred to me.  Just before the leaf dies and falls off the tree, it transforms itself into blazing color.  Nothing like going out in regal fashion before the last gasp.

What we can learn from Autumn is that it is never too late to:

- express WHO we are
- ASK for what we want
- EXPECT more
- stop SETTLING for less
- STRUTT our stuff
- or . . . you fill in the blank!