Spirit In Gear

What I Learned from Turning 60

The day after I turned 60 last month, we head to the Smokies to meet up with our best friends of 35 years.  The picture you see is taken from the deck of a stunning mountain property we stayed in for the weekend.

Surrounded by mountain vistas, close friends, music, and an ample supply of wine and dark chocolate, I open up birthday gifts.  One of the gifts is not wrapped.  In fact, it has no material shape.  It comes as a favor of sorts.  The gift is bestowed upon me by my friend, John. 

John gives me carte blanche to select all the restaurants we eat at that weekend.  Now I am prepared to select one restaurant for my birthday dinner, but never expected to be making decisions on the other meals.  I admit to being nonplussed with this gesture on John's part.  Food is very important to John, and his food preferences are very strong (and often opposed to mine). 

As John continued to insist that I select ALL the restaurants, I tell him that I should be recording this for posterity.  John  lets me know that this offer expires after the weekend, so I better enjoy it while I can.

While all this is going on, I am experiencing some silent inner discombobulation.  My personality is geared towards looking out for the needs of the group.  It takes me a few minutes to actually get in gear with the program of picking out whatever I WANT!  Even if it means that someone else won't like my choice.

And so it goes.  I take some time to ask myself what I want.  And I get exactly what I want for each of the meals we eat out at . . . Italian one night; seafood another; and pancakes for lunch!

This experience reminds me to be clear about what I want, at least to myself.  It's not so much about getting my way.  It is about being present enough to ask myself the question instead of responding in a rote mode.

Interestingly this begins to have a ripple effect in my life during the following week.  In my interactions with both my husband, and with business colleagues, I find myself stopping to become aware of what I want and how I want to respond.  As a result, I saved myself from unnecessary hassle.  The difference being that I can choose when I want to go the extra mile, not that I HAVE to do it automatically.  That is very freeing, if I do say so myself.

If you are not yet 60, my advice to you is to learn from my insight, and apply it to your life, much sooner than I did!

Playing with Imperfection

Eighteen days into the new year, I've finally stopped messing up my checks with the wrong date of 2009.  With just a little bit of practice, 2010 easily rolls off the pen now.

I slip into this new year without any desire to make a resolution of any sort.  Instead of focusing on "fixing" myself, I feel a quiet appreciation for me (for both my good points and weaknesses), and my life (with its delights and its challenges).

Bless Patti Digh for reminding us that You are not broken.  You don't need to be fixed.  What if, as Patti asks, we focus on potential rather than flaws.  She concludes her post with realization that 2009 was a fantastic year because she loved and was loved.  Notice what she didn't say!

In the past 18 days since the new year began, I've been playing with imperfection as I try new things:

- I am learning Quick Books.  I bought the software a year ago and finally installed it.  Now that I have a new year of business expenses unfolding, I am open and eager to learn a better way of keeping my business books.

- I received an Ipod as a Christmas gift.  I'm learning how to make playlists so that I can listen to what I want, no matter where I'm at.

- Yesterday I bought a "flip video" to use in our real estate investing business.  I'm sure we will have a few laughs at our first attempts with using the video, but how cool this will be to have the ability to upload videos to our multiple websites! 

- I'm stepping out of my comfort zone of what I am supposed to look like by updating my business wardrobe with some fun, and sophisticated pieces. 

What I mention above focuses on external things.  What I have a harder time articulating is the softer way I'm starting to hold myself inside.  The way I'm easing up on myself internally.  The times I can consciously slow down the mind chatter to lighten up.  The ways I ratchet down the self-induced pressure to do, do, do. 

Playing with imperfection becomes easier when I relax on the inside. 

What are you playing with in this new year?

[Photo Credit:  Ilker]

The Gifts of Age - Part 2

The second part of a two-part post co-authored by Deb Call, Dan Oestreich, and
Dick Richards, with Dick narrating.  Read Part 1.

Whatever we believe to be our gifts of age, it seems impossible to conclude anything but that they derive from experience. This is true not only for the gifts mentioned in Part I -- freedom from making judgments, inner confidence, acceptance and fruition -- but for so many others unmentioned so far, such as wisdom, peace of mind, continued commitment to a purpose, or enjoying the fruits of former accomplishments. It also seems impossible to conclude that these gifts are given to all. There are many who have them in great measure, and who revel in them and use them wisely, but there are also many cranky and unhappy old men and women who seem not to have them at all. If the gifts are truly gifts of age, then it is probably more accurate to say, rather than that the gifts are not given to all, that all are not able to receive them.

Dan wrote, “Acceptance is not a perfect word. It does not fully convey the sense of flow, fulfillment and peace of mind that I associate with it. It doesn't fully express the sense of grace. But I like it because what I hear in it is not the part of accept that means endure but the part that means receive. As in receive a gift. If I've learned anything, it is how to receive. It was a friend, a psychic, who first told me--as I was waiting for insight at the bottom of my lonely pit--that I needed to open myself and learn to receive (was it this that changed the pit to a well?).”

  "You are trying to do everything on your own," she told Dan. "You don't trust the universe and you don't see that the physical reality of your circumstances, the physical world itself, is thin as tissue paper." She related the story of a man and his wife, clients of hers. The man was washing the dishes one evening when he heard a ker-plop into the soapy water of a bowl in the sink. Reaching in, he pulled out a ring. He had never seen the ring before. He took it to his wife who exclaimed, “Where on earth did you find that? I haven't seen that ring in twenty years!” Dan’s psychic friend explained that it had just come through in order to help the woman deal with what it symbolized to her, some unfinished business from the past.

“I'm sure I privately scoffed at the story,” Dan wrote, “Yet I would say this has turned out to be what has happened to me, too. Something, a coin, a ring, has come through that tissue paper thin wall of time and space. Its gradual recognition has had a miraculous effect. I do a better job of receiving myself just as I am and receiving others just as they are. I'm more open. The wars between me and me have diminished over time, replaced by an inner connection to the flow. I know I've embraced something - or it has embraced me.”

Becoming more open to receiving what is available to us, rather than struggling along possessed by the desire to have things our own way, appears to be a pre-requisite for acquiring the gifts of age. And Deb pointed to a few other prerequisites when she wrote, “Age brings wisdom, a commonly held belief. Although wisdom is not confined to older folks, wisdom can manifest new strains, or gifts, as we age, if we remain aware, open, and reflective.”

Aldous Huxley summed it up this way, "Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him." It is what we do with our experience that determines whether or not we are capable of receiving the gifts of age, and approaching our experience with awareness, openness, and a habit of reflection appears to be prerequisite.

Deb experiences a bittersweet quality to realizing it has taken her fifty-seven years to arrive at her inner confidence. “But some things just can’t be rushed,” she wrote, “Like the silky taste of an aged Cabernet, or the patina on a piece of old bronze.”

She confesses, “Over the past two years I have been envious of women with silver hair. Not gray hair, or white hair, but silver hair. It happened again a few weeks ago while out hiking to a waterfall. I saw a vibrant looking woman in her forties with beautiful silver hair. Contrary to our youth-driven culture, she did not look old in her silver locks.” Deb will turn sixty in 2011. “That’s my target date to have grown out my roots and become dazzingly silver-haired, whether it be au natural, or with the help of my hairdresser.”  

This September, Dan, at fifty-nine, will marry “a fabulous woman and soul-mate.” He explained, “We met on eHarmony a few years ago. I haven't been married in a decade and that will complete a cycle of some kind. I feel I am coming home, maybe for the first time. Indeed, what a lesson, learning to receive, and a ring it is that shows up. Who on earth would have guessed?”

I am the oldest of our troika. I have eight years on Deb, seven on Dan. Unlike Deb, I’ve been bald for a long time and don’t care at all about what hair I do have. Like Deb, judgmentalism feels less satisfying to me, and I no longer care much about proving something to others. Unlike Dan, I would probably not have scoffed at the psychic’s story about the ring. Like Dan, I have had to learn how to receive and was remarried at about the same age that he is now.

I can say from my “elder” position to both of them (and perhaps to you) that if you remain aware, open, reflective, and receptive, the gifts of age will keep getting better, at least for the next seven or eight years, which is all that I can speak to.

[Photo Credits:  ring - "JK;"Iris - Dan Oestreich]
 

When Not to Follow the Crowd - Blog Spotlight

I notice a theme developing as I read diverse posts from Pat, Liz, Dick, and Jory.  Although each of these bloggers writes on totally separate topics, they carry a personal message for me about the cost of following the herd.

Without further adieu, the spotlight shines on these well-written posts.

Pat Ruppel's post on Fitting In - Cookie Cutter or Piece of Puzzle, provides encouragement for not fitting in when it really doesn't fit us.  The world needs the expression of uniqueness of each person.  I especially like the questions she poses at the end to help us understand our motivation for choosing to fit in or not.

Liz Strauss' The Danger of Old Think and the Dangers of Thinking New highlights two follies.  One is to attempt to interject old skills and perspectives into a new culture; the other is to throw out the old and follow the new because everyone else is doing it.  She ends the post with a killer sentence that nails the solution - it's like  Haiku for business.  I won't quote the sentence here because I don't want to give away the ending!

Sometimes I follow the crowd to fit in, or to prove something, either to "somebody out there" or to myself.  Dick Richards pens a candid post, Nothing to Prove, tracing what he tried to prove in the past with what he's since learned. 

Jory Des Jardins critiques Twitter in  If I Were Twitter's Agent.  Her analysis is both knowedgable and entertaining. 

You may wonder how Jory's post relates to following the crowd.  It hits a personal note for me because I feel conflicted about joining Twitter.  My conflict does not really center on Twitter.  It rests on my ambivalence about wanting to be a part of the "in crowd," and my desire to preserve my energy.

Nor does it rest on any concern about new technology.  I'm perfectly capable of 'twittering."  But I look back and see that I only joined Facebook and LinkedIn because so many people ceaselessly invited me to join.  I haven't completed my full profiles on either site, and don't utilize it as I should. 

I realize in writing this that there's a time to follow the herd, and a time to follow my energy.  If I do the latter, I'll lead a life that feels more authentic and rewarding.

When do you think it makes sense to follow the crowd?

Photo Credit:  Andre Mesker

 

Cinderella Breaks Free

It occurs to me late this afternoon, while doing a Jazzercise class, that my "inner Cinderella" has broken free of her imprisonment.  My energy on every level skyrockets!  I work out at my best level.

I recall that it begins last evening when I attend a monthly business association meeting.  I am feeling very energetic.  Filled with well-being, I network like a pro and enjoy meeting new people.  I continue with friends in the hotel bar after the meeting.  I don't remember the last time I feel this kind of energy.

My enthusiasm continues today at work.  I face all the same problems and issues present yesterday, but today I do so with levity and fun.  I have patience with myself.  I have patience with the people on the other end of the phone line.  I have patience with traffic.  I feel like the best of myself.  More compassionate, less interested in being judgmental.

What a switch.  For the past couple of weeks I've been feeling tired, jaded, resistant.  I felt uninspired to write a simple blog post.  I felt like a drudge, like Cinderella working with no reprieve in sight.  But instead of sweeping floors like Cinderella, I was feeling suffocated by unexamined, absurd expectations of myself.  Such as, "I can't relax until I'm a financial success like the gurus I listen to." or  "I have to figure out the magic bullet."  Pressure, pressure, pressure.

By the time Saturday arrives, a touch of food poisoning grounds me and forces me to rest.  I'm still in my pj's at 2:00 p.m. and I don't get any chores done, nor do I "accomplish" anything.  I sit on the couch  and read fiction.  I play a subdued game of bridge with friends that evening.

Being "benched" gives me the opportunity to do some reflection and meditation.  I find myself hanging onto Dick Richard's words about taking ourselves less seriously,in his response to a comment at his post, Let It Go! Let It Go! Let It Go!.  He recommends laughter and silliness to offset the seriousness in life, and in particular in the field of self development.

I'm not sure quite how I make the leap from tired and resistant to energetic and positive.  And really it doesn't matter.  But I do think Dick's words influenced me.  What I do understand is that somewhere along the line I decided I can feel good without external situations changing. 

And the wise Cinderella within who broke free knows that I can go far if I do these two things at this time in my life:  follow my energy (rest when I'm tired; go in the direction that feels good, as opposed to resistant); and build in a couple of brief times per day to be still and get in the space of "allowing" myself to be.  Practicing these two things can "grease" my receptivity for guidance and direction around business goals without anxious exertion on my part to find the answers.

I guess I don't need Prince Charming after all. 

Results Revisited

Getting attached to results is a slippery slope going nowhere.  Yet I often cling (clutch is more like it ) to my attachment as if my life depends upon it.  Like worrying about some possible future event, attaching to results creates its own misery and has little to do with the outcome.

This past Monday I receive a short message during my prayer/reflection time: 

"Trust.  Take Appropriate Action.  Let Go."

Simple words.  Familiar words.  What is different now?  Impeccable timing.  I'm ready to receive this message.  My business partner and I need to find buyers for several investor properties within a 3-week deadline.  It doesn't help that funding for 2 of these properties got unexpectedly pulled out with no warning.  I feel the pressure, the panic.  How can I market these differently to attract buyers in time?

I step back from the emotion.  I decide to sandwich in my actions between trust and letting go.  I experience an odd sense of calm.  I create a little marketing twist to get people's attention.  I present these properties in an investor meeting from a different angle than previous meetings.  As a result, several serious buyers come forward with an interest in looking at those properties. 

By week's end, I begin to imagine other scenarios and outcomes I hadn't even considered when I was fixated on a specific result.  I discuss these other options with my business partner - options we can pursue if our buyers don't all come through at the same time.  I feel amazed that practicing non-attachment, giving up the clinging and clutching, creates a sense of clear-headed expansiveness in the absence of drama! 

My learning continues during the week when I receive Suzanne Falter-Barns' latest issue of her Expert Status Ezine in my inbox - "I'm Done with Results . . . How About You?"  Pretty enticing title, isn't it?

My big takeaway - the meaning we attach to results creates the problem, not necessarily the results themselves.  In Suzanne's words:

For instance, recently I started really getting into how many folks were visiting my blog every week. I worried if the numbers were lower than usual, and had surges of delight when the report swung high. And then I’d try to figure out what I did right or wrong that particular week … and consequently mull it over, tease it out, analyze and just generally fret.

In the light of my new non-attachment to results, I can see that it doesn’t ultimately matter how many people visit my blog. That number was just proving to be an ego stroke or an ego bash. What matters is actually how I’m interacting with the blog – and what REALLY matters is how effectively I’m sharing with my readers.

So now the focus has shifted to the journey, and how I choose to play it out.  When I’m excited about what I’m writing and put lots of energy into my blog posts, the numbers coincidentally go up. Conversely, when I’m lazy about it and lose touch for a week here or there, the numbers happen to go down.

Suzanne goes on to ask the pivotal questions:

Instead of looking to see how many people hit my blog so I can stroke my ego and feel powerful, I might ask instead, how truly and deeply am I sharing with others today? Am I reflecting what Spirit wants me to reflect today?*     " . . .Is my writing for this ezine teaching me what I need to know in order to keep spreading that love?

As Suzanne illustrates, we need to examine the meaning we attach to results.  When I'm stressing and struggling, my husband will jokingly ask me:  "Are we having fun yet?"  The question at least gives me pause and perspective!  Are ego's big footprints all over the meaning I attach to results?  If so, how can I change the meaning to reflect a higher purpose?  This week in my business challenge I focused on imagining outcomes that benefit all involved.  And that includes me too,  Sometimes I shortchange myself.

This morning, before I write this post, I receive another dose of reinforcement in the words of a prayer from Julia Cameron's Heart Steps:

I am able to allow situations to evolve and alter.  I am able to await outcomes.  I tolerate quiet periods of non-knowing while solutions emerge and present themselves.  I do not force solutions.  I expect the successful working-out of difficulties and differences.  My heart is wise.  It knows when to act and when non-action is the action to take.

My latest mantra - Cling Less, Live More!

Any lessons/insights you'd like to share on the meaning you attach (or don't attach) to results you seek?

[Photo Credit:  kjdrill]

Enough

I am enough.  I have wisdom enough.  I have faith enough.  I know enough.  I do not need to strive or strain. I do not need to reach or worry. I am enough.

- Julia Cameron, Heart Steps - Prayers and Declarations for a Creative Life

These words reach me this morning like a lifeline thrown to one struggling in rushing waters.  Instead of rushing waters, I find myself caught in the grips of torrential mental noise:  I need to market more.  I need to create more pay per click ads.  I need to read through all the material from my online marketing training.  I need to do each and every exercise.  I am not doing enough.  I need to make money.  More money!  I need to do it now.  Urgent, urgent, urgent!

"I am enough."  These words stop me.  The mental churning fades out.  I exhale.  I feel emotion rising up from my heart and escaping through the tears in my eyes.  I sense another part of me coming forward.  She comes not from ego, but from that part connected to the Divine.  She is calm, patient, wise,  She trusts.  She takes her time.  I sense her compassion and love.

I sit still.  I notice the relief I feel.  I watch my churning thoughts shift into positive scenarios.  I imagine what my life could look like as I embrace knowing I am enough.  I can see my grown daughters as enough, trusting them to make mistakes and surviving just fine.  I can use the knowing that I am enough to take my time and plan my marketing steps for my business.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed I can feel focused.  I can feel lighter because I make this marketing manageable.

My imagination continues to prance ahead.  As I quiet the demanding inner pressure, I can be more present to others, more positive, more caring.  Better self care leads to better care of others.  Not necessarily doing more.  Just showing up in a different way.

I start first with myself.  I resolve to lengthen my quiet time early in the morning.  To spend the first minutes of the new day in stillness, prayer, and reflection.  To ensure that the person who gets out of bed knows she is enough, and knows that her "spirit is large enough for any circumstance."

Who are you when you remember you are enough?

[Photo Credit:  Arjun Kartha]

Try This in Lieu of Resolutions

After an absence of several months, I've been quietly slipping into the blogosphere to read snippets from some of my fav bloggers.  Always . . . perfect timing!

Phil Gerbyshak's What's Your Word of the Year for 2009? caught me at a time when I most need it.  He suggests building your year around one word that resonates for you.  He gives credit to this idea to Christine Kane's Resolution Revolution post.  She supplies a lot of help if you need inspiration around words to select.  Both are excellent posts about creating something more powerful and lasting than a New Year's resolution.

It took me about 60 seconds to jot down 4 words.  My top 2 picks:  "ease" and "savor."

Why those two words?  Because I am out of balance.  I've been fully immersed in real estate investing.  It's a "reactive" business.  It feels like I have less control of my time.  I notice that I spend a lot of my day utilizing "masculine" energy - hard, action-oriented, "make it happen" energy.  I'm tired on many levels. 

Seizing Greatness - Follow-Up Post

Two weeks ago I wrote a brief post on an exercise around "seizing our greatness" that intrigued and further awakened me.   You'll find the actual exercise at Delightful Work.

Since then, thoughts on this topic continue to swirl around in my mind.  It's time to rope them in and expand the conversation.  As a starting point, I'll share the 5 answers we were asked to give to the question in this timed exercise:

"What could I become or do that would sprout a definite seed to my certain greatness?"

1.  Spend more time in the space of well-being, as I did this past weekend.  Everything, even chores, felt blissful.  All because I managed my energy first and found that alignment.

2.  I don't have to improve on my greatness - just offer it up on a daily basis - share my thoughts, ideas, inspiration, support, and love - every day - at home, in my business, my volunteer work, and through blogging.

3.  Say what I want.  Ask for it!  Modesty be damned!

4.  Spend money on myself.  A couple of weeks ago I got a manicure (my first in about a year), and it made me feel special. I want to do more of that kind of thing.  Experiencing the full range of abundance directly connects me to my greatness.

5.  Set up my life so I deal with less trivia and time-wasters, both people and things, by creating boundaries around who and what takes up my time.

Talking about individual "greatness" isn't something I grew up with in the '50's or 60's.  "Great" was a word reserved for unusual people in the history books, or for situations that seem removed from normal living.  We didn't want to appear to be boastful, after all.  Modesty became something to cultivate.

The personal development/human potential movements expand both the context for, and the concept of greatness.  We've come to understand that each individual carries a unique genius, a set of blueprints for greatness.  In that respect, we each hold the responsibility for developing the "seeds of greatness" we are born with.

Author Eckhart Tolle points out, in his latest book, A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, that our level of consciousness determines our level of flowering:

"You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge.  But it can only emerge if something fundamental changes in your state of consciousness."

I like Slade's condensed version:  "You are God. Act like it!"

Some days I get it, and other days I forget it.  Apparently being "naturally" great is not my default setting.  Or maybe I just think it's not.  I have a lot more practice at seeing the greatness in others, while downplaying my own.  Today's Note from the Universe "chided" me:  "And please don't ever let self-consciousness keep you from stepping out into a world that would be unimaginably incomplete without you."

So throw your 2 cents in here.  Whatcha think about greatness?  Is it overrated?  Underrated?  Irrelevant?  What has been your experience?  Let's learn from one another.  Tell us how you REALLY feel!

Astonish Yourself - Try This Exercise

A friend referred me to Tom Volkar's blog, Delightful Work.  There I found a post designed to shake you up - Seize Your Greatness!  Perhaps like me you are thinking that you don't want to read yet another article on embracing one's greatness.  Like I did, just ignore that inner thought and read it, AND more importantly, step up and do the "brutal" exercise at the end of the post. 

I did the exercise and managed to astonish myself.  Rather than say anything more, may I encourage you on your merry way to Seize Your Greatness!  I see from the comments left at this post that some of my visitors, like Slade and Andrea have already jumped into the dialogue over there.