Spirit In Gear

Why I Write

I'm aware, of late, that I have been avoiding writing blog posts.  I went through a period of feeling emotionally unsettled, and vulnerable, and didn't feel like baring my soul in public.  But what I regret, what didn't occur to me, was to write for myself, in private, where no eyes but mine see the words.

I'm in a better place now, and forever grateful for this gift of emotional resilience I seem to possess.  I am writing for myself again.  And maybe someday it will be public.  But that's not the point.  We write for so many different reasons. 

Like me, you may find commonality in your reasons to write in this hauntingly real poem by Meredith Heller:

I write to hear my voice,
because there are places of honesty
and beauty that I go in my writing that
I can't always go in my life, and I must.
When I write, I let the parts of me that hold
my breath, breathe.  I write to let light into my
being and let darkness out, to own myself, capturing
the rhythms of my cycles; journeys into the abyss,
travels through glory.  I write to allow myself to feel,
climb inside my emotions and explore their reaches and
textures, summon my tears, let them wash me hot and
clean then drain me empty and free.  I write myself alive and
reborn, whole and holy to experience myself transformed.  I
write because I hurt and because I love, and so I won't lose
anything.  And because I am lonely, sensual, and spiritual,
and I need to make contact with the divine, and writing
for me is like touching:  it is rubbing and rolling my
body against the divine until my boundaries dissolve
and I no longer know where I start and where I stop:
I become part of the universal hum.  I write to make
myself external, leave a piece of me stained into the
ethers.  I write because I believe Goddess listens
for the places where we love and own ourselves.
I write to keep myself company, keep
myself honest, keep from watching TV.
I write to keep my Muse intrigued.
I write because I can't draw.

- Meredith Heller 2003

Why do you write?

If You Write, or Want to Write - Read this Rant

Patti Digh wrote an excellent rant on writing - twelves points in all.  I'm going to print it out and keep it nearby when I feel tempted to skip writing, censor my writing, or worry about how my writing will be received.

Here's a juicy excerpt from Patti's post: 

What is your intention? To build a successful blog, or to actually say what is inside of your heart and mind and every single bloody cell of your being, and that you must somehow export it out into the world before you die?

Whether you write, paint, embroider, sing, or (insert your word), you can draw courage by reading how to write (a book). a wee rant.

I love your rant, Patti Digh!

[Photo Credit:  Laura Nubuck]

Write to Please Yourself First - What I'm Learning from Kurt Vonnegut

Strangely enough, this English Major in college has never read any of Kurt Vonnegut's books.  That is, until my daughter's boyfriend gifted me at Christmas with two slender volumes of his works.

I read Like Shaking Hands With God in one easy sitting.  The books provides a transcript of a moderated conversation about writing between two authors, Kurt Vonnegut and Lee Stringer.  The conversation takes place in NYC in 1998.

Here's my big take-away from this book - write first for yourself.  It's one thing to know your target audience inside and out, but what if we don't know ourselves because we don't listen to, or choose to ignore, our insides?  Vonnegut urges writers to keep it sincere - "You cannot fool a reading audience!"

When asked why he writes, Lee Stringer explains:

How Writing is Like Sex

Blame it on Oprah. 

My schedule rarely allows me to watch Oprah's show.  However I was home this past Friday and caught her show on "Sex 101."  Guest sex expert, Dr. Laura Berman, recommends several action items designed to improve one's sex life.  Of no surprise to us older folks - schedule sex!

Yes, spontaneity has it's place, mainly for the young, and new lovers flooded with Dopamined brains.  (Although I do remember a time when my hubbie and I were in our late 30's/early 40's when a moment of passion hit us and we did it in the bathroom next to the family room where the kids were playing.)  Apparently and realistically, for the rest of us, planning for intimacy creates the likelihood it will occur.  Time to whip out the Blackberry now! 

Putting some effort into the planning can also create a more desirable outcome.  Dr. Berman recommends such things as removing Aunt Gilda's pictures from the bedroom,  shaving legs if you are female, and my input for the guys - clear out the remote and other electronic gear.

It occurs to me (terribly obvious, isn't it?) that writing is like sex.  I need to schedule it.  How dull!  I still harbor romantic notions of being a writer bursting with streams of imaginings at all times of day and night.  Notebooks in every room of the house scribbled with brilliance.  Sigh.  I work a day job.

Connecting the Dots From Higher Guidance

I start to connect the dots around 2:00 a.m.  But it all actually begins early that day.

The first clue shows up without any recognition on my part that morning.  A fellow real estate investor, a fan of my writing, hands me a book before a networking meeting begins.  She proclaims that I could be making a lot of money through my writing and that this book will blow me away.

The next clue shows up that evening when I clean my bedroom closet and find a file full of intuitive readings from the past few years. I glance at it and put it back on the shelf.

The third clue,  which forces me to see a pattern of dots to connect, happens when my guides wake me up from a sound sleep, literally and figuratively, leading me back to the bedroom closet to the file of readings.

Allow me to lay some down some context.  A blog post has been forming in my head for the past two days.  It's mid-evening and I plan to devote some time to begin writing this.  I fall into a typical pattern of procrastination.  The blog post idea feels too "personal."  I tell myself that I really can't capture my feelings well enough in this post.  My inner critic refuses to pass muster on this topic.

What I've Gained From Writing Morning Pages

In my previous post I describe taking up the practice of writing morning pages.  This post follows up on my promise to describe what I am gaining from the process.

I didn't know what to expect when I began doing morning pages a few weeks ago. Having put in some time with this process, I've come to recognize and appreciate that I'm experiencing positive ripples in my life simply from the act of writing out 3 pages. 

I also, at the same time, feel some resistance to lassoing the positive aspects into a linear construct.  I'm afraid if I do so I will want to ensure that I am "achieving" these positive aspects each time I write out my 3 pages.  It doesn't work that way.  Each morning brings a fresh new beginning.  Some days an insight I need to hear will land on the page.  Other days it's quiet and free-flowing.  Clarity and meaning may not put in an appearance.

For me it's about trusting the process.  Write 3 pages in longhand upon awakening.  Period.  Everyone's experience is unique, and I believe the process works for what each individual needs on that particular day. 

And so, although I "list" these benefits as such, keep in mind that these do not exist in separate fashion.  The process of writing morning pages creates a momentum of sorts, with one positive aspect begetting another.  It's hard to tell where one leaves off and the other one begins.  Imagine a positive cascading domino effect.

Benefits:

- Mental Clearing - Corralling my disparate thoughts and feelings onto the page acknowledges them.  They no longer tug at me, like a crying toddler pulling on her mother's pants leg.  It puts them into a place and quiets them down.  In short, it immediately gets them off my proverbial back so that I am not carrying them throughout my day.  Once that mental junk quiets down, words from deeper inside have room to come up, if that is what is needed on that particular morning.

- Spend More Time in the Present

Writing Morning Pages to Connect Within

Writing morning pages each day is akin to taking a vitamin for my inner soul.  Author, Julia Cameron, in Finding Water- The Art of Perseverance, says that "morning pages are like a spiritual chiropractor.  They put us back on our spiritual spine."  Finding Water is Cameron's third in a series that began with the well -known Artist's Way.

My daughter gave me Finding Water at Christmas, since I'm a huge fan of Julia Cameron.  As the new year began, I felt drawn to adding a new spiritual practice into my daily life.  As of this writing, I've completed week 5 of a 12-week commitment to morning pages that began on Jan. 21 of this year.  The first time I made and completed a commitment to morning pages was 12 years ago, when I left a 20 year career and went on sabbatical.

I've noticed some subtle, positive aspects show up in my life, which I'll note below.  But first, why morning pages, and what's the rationale behind them?

Upon awakening, (and after a quick run to the bathroom), I sit up in bed, purple ink pen in hand, and write in longhand 3 pages of stream of consciousness in a 10.5" by 8" notebook.  Cameron explains that morning pages, done upon awakening, allow our soul to speak first, to align with our Creator, before our defenses are in place.  It's a time when we are most open, honest, and vulnerable.  It's also a time when we can whine, bitch, and list our gripes.  For that reason, Cameron dubs these morning pages "brain drain."

By the way, the beauty of doing morning pages is that you can't do them wrong.  It's best done by keeping your pen moving, without pausing to "think" (judge) about what you're writing.  There's no end result, or anything to achieve, outside of writing the 3 pages.  You can repeat yourself, write in incomplete sentences, use poor grammar, and misspell words.  Best of all, your morning pages are for your eyes only.

I noticed, during the first week of writing morning pages, that I wrote fast and furiously.  I had so much junk and minutia swimming in my head, that it just poured out and ran over.  I completed 3 pages of longhand within 15 minutes that first week!  I literally felt a sense of physical lightness.  Apparently I had a lot of mental bush hogging to perform.  Clearing space for future inner messages to be heard.

Here's an excerpt from my 2nd day of writing morning pages:

How I Stop Myself From Writing

The only way to best thine enemy is to know thine enemy. 

I sit here in dismay at all the dull and unimaginative ways I thwart my creative inner being.  Time and time again the enemy of "reason" stops me from the act of writing, with the same worn-out, trite injunctions that appear as common sense and logic.

Well, my creative side hereby calls for a duel.  I raise my saber (pen that is) and "out" you once and for all.  I see your fiendish ways and vow to cut you off at the pass.  I hereby expose you and your blasphemy!

Blasphemy #1  You Must Be Brilliant!
I have to admit that this is one of your better injunctions.  When you are able to hook my ego, I'm sunk.  Especially when you compare me to prodigious writers, and bloggers with creative ideas and slants. Then I feel blocked, my feverish search for inspiration dries up, and I stop.

Yet, I learn that it is better to write, and to write badly, than not to write out all.  Author Julia Cameron, in Finding Water, says:  "Very often our 'bad' writing contains the seeds of our 'good' writing within it."  She encourages us to give up our self-consciousness.  In my better moments I know that when I show up and write, the Universe supplies the quality to open conduits.

Blasphemy #2  Work Comes Before Play!

I came into this world as a first-born, responsible female, crossing her t's and dotting her i's.  And how you, conniving devil, have used that against me.  I wake up this Saturday morning, happy to greet the day, happy to free myself from the routines of the weekdays.  And yet, before I get out of bed, you take over, programming me with an extensive list of to do's.  Have to's, not want to's.  Over 20 items you declare on that list.  You almost had me convinced I couldn't afford to take creative time this morning to write.  You almost had me.

Until my inner writer slammed her foot down.  And here's what she and I know.  It's okay to eat dessert first.  It's especially okay to play first.  "Have to's" serve their purpose - and provide a way for me to do more of my "want to's."  When I start to feel cranky and out of sorts I know it's because I haven't been writing. 

So here's the deal, you clueless taskmaster.   When you attempt to lance me with your strident "shoulds," I will write them down on paper.  I refuse to carry them around in my head, scattering my energy.  Armed with my intuition and physical signals, I decide how to schedule in my have to's with my want to's so that I feel good, dammit.

Blasphemy # 3  Be Careful What You Write About!

Bridging the Logical with the Intuitive - Writing Tools

The Dec. issue of Writers Digest arrived this week with an impressive array of articles/tools that address how creativity "dances" between the logical and the intuitive sides of our brain.  FYI, you can pick this magazine up at a bookstore or order it at the link above.

One of these articles, Meeting of the Minds, by Michael Vaughn, describes how the two sides of our brain (logical/intuitive) develop.  He discusses several tools or games we can use to move into the right brain for our writing.  One of these tools is the "cluster technique" developed by Dr. Gabriele Rico in her book Writing the Natural Way.  You can view this technique at her website.

I had the joy of working with Dr. Rico at a 5-day writer's retreat during the summer of 1999.  We practiced the cluster technique during the entire workshop.  I found it powerful, especially because she gave us a time limit for each cluster exercise.  That time constraint had the effect of limiting the damage from my inner critic!

You can also read some examples of what I wrote back in 1999 from some of those cluster exercises, if you'd like additional illustration of this technique.

Why We Write

I'm writing this on a computer, which has been tucked discreetly in a corner antique desk.  My husband and I have escaped for the weekend in an opulent Victorian Bed & Breakfast in Asheville, NC (the kind you can only afford after you become an empty nester).  As the sun goes down, shadows of light dance off the gilt framed oil paintings hanging on the walls. 

Daylight lingers in that twilight period where life begins to quiet down.  While hubby relaxes on the sofa in front of a fire, with TV remote in hand, I can't resist the call to write.  But why now?  Why blog when I'm on a getaway weekend?

I could say that just being in Asheville restores my spirit and opens up my soul.  My inner being feels at home here.  My senses feel alive.  Against this beautiful backdrop, my creative self yearns to have a say.  And honestly, I don't recall ever writing in such a sinfully elegant place before.

Forgive my preamble, unnecessary in the strictest sense.  It allows me to enjoy capturing this moment in time.

What I must share with you - an excerpt from Julia Cameron's newest book, Floor Sample.  As I always find with Julia's writing - her words ripple across my senses before landing smack in my soul.  Maybe her words will lead you to understand why you write.  Enjoy.

Why We Write, by Julia Cameron

There are many things which resist naming,
And that is why we write.
We write because language is slippery,
And the truth is.
We write because
The light we have to see by
Is always shifting
Never forget that writers are prophets.
We speak in tongues.
We testify.
We are for each other a believing mirror.
Our words make us visible.
Our listening makes us heard.

Never forget that writers are soldiers.
Our writing is the long march,
The walk into time.
Each word is a drum.
We sound it across great distances,
Reaching one another and ourselves.
Every poem is a day's march.
A celebration more necessary than water or wine.
Every poem is a drink of blood.

Never forget that writing is an act of courage -
Not on the days when it is simple and we discount it.
Not on the days when it is hard and we write like sand.
Our words are torches.
We pass them hand to hand
And mouth to mouth
Like a burning kiss.

Never forget to say thank you.
Every syllable is a grace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll end on this distinction:  I don't "blog."  I write.  And sometimes I use the blog medium to write.  Why do you write?